


Saving Dean

by sammys_grl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-29 19:56:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammys_grl/pseuds/sammys_grl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> The title pretty much says it all. Sam has to find a way to save his brother, there is no other outcome for him than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saving Dean

Sam knew it was coming, had been waiting for it since they pulled into this town.

 

"I'm heading out Sammy," Dean called as he grabbed his leather jacket. "Don't wait up"

Sam bit his lip at the thought of being alone again, but gave the chipper reply expected from him of "never do" as Dean was already closing the door.

Dean had been living it up this entire year. Sowing so many wild oats, that he had an entire field of them somewhere. Always telling Sam the same thing...'Come on Sam; give the dying guy a break'. Dean was having fun; honest to goodness fun and he deserved every minute of it. Dean was right when he said he deserved to be selfish in this year. All the sacrifices he made for his family earned him every second of unadulterated bliss he could find. There was a part of him that was deeply saddened that Dean seemingly wanted to spend as little time with him as possible. The closer they got to the end of this year, the more Dean was gone. He tried to tell himself that is was just Dean's defense mechanisms of not wanting to hurt him, not wanting any 'chick-flick' moments and all the rest, but it still hurt.

The only benefit of the time he had on his hands was that it gave him much needed time alone to research, translate, and confer with Bobby on a solution. Sam had figured out soon after Dean spilled the terms of the deal that the technicalities were all he had to work with. She told Dean that he could not do anything to back out or welsh on their deal or Sam would die. She never said that someone else couldn't do it for him. That was what Sam needed. He needed to find a way that they could undo what was done without Dean knowing or participating and they would have their out. Bobby agreed that the demon had left out that crucial requirement, as demons were prone to do when they got all caught up in getting their prizes. So far everything they had found had major flaws and required Dean's participation. That was always the problem. Dean could do nothing to alter the deal.

Sam sat in the silent room for awhile, just thinking about everything. Nothing he had done had gotten him any closer to saving Dean, or discovering who held the paper on the deal. This year had pushed him, made him understand the war on an intimate basis. Dean had always tried to keep him from the worst of it; done the dirty work and let Sam keep his hands clean. Sam really didn't care about getting his hands dirty, but Dean had always been his protector, even in war. This year had changed that. Dean needed protecting and Sam was doing whatever was necessary. He allowed the empty room to console him in his grief, admitting to the walls that he was beyond desperate, that his time was running out...it was down to mere days now, and he let himself break down for a few minutes. Then he got back to work. This was what he did in between killing evil now. He rarely slept, ate only when he had to, and researched.

After two hours of staring at the computer, he had a splitting headache and really did need some food. He remembered a diner just down the street and decided to walk over and get something.

The diner looked like every other one they had ever been in and he vaguely wondered why he even looked at the menu anymore. They were all the same and he had pretty much memorized their contents by the time he was five. He ordered enough food to have some leftovers, and the smiling girl said it would be about a half hour to get ready since they were busy. Sam glanced around, deciding that their definition of busy and his were two very different things. He smiled anyway and decided to take a walk for a few minutes; clear his head maybe, and let her know he would be back shortly.

Not far from the diner, he stumbled upon a used/rare bookstore and stopped. God this place looked ancient. He shrugged his shoulders, glanced at his watch, and headed in for a few minutes. Quickly he found himself lost in the ancient religion area. Stacks upon stacks of dusty books were on shelves that hadn't seen a cleaning in years. One book caught his eye as he scanned the fading titles. It wasn't just old, it was primeval. The cover looked like leather, but felt like dried hide, like skin actually when he ran his finger along the spine. Sam wrinkled his nose as if to say 'ew' and took it off the shelf. Looking at it more closely, it was a book written in a broken form of English and Gaelic, dealing with the Druids and their power. Sam looked for a price, but found none. It was probably expensive, but it could be helpful for something so he decided to ask.

Walking up to the desk, he smiled at the old man. "Hey, how much for this one?"

"That one? Oh my, I forgot that was even here. My grandfather had it hidden away in his attic with some others. He died last year and I stuck them ratty old things back there. What do you want with that creepy old thing?"

Sam had to laugh "Creepy is kinda my job, so it might come in handy."

"Some job you got."

"Yeah, the benefits suck too."

"Give me ten bucks and get it out of here."

"Cool, thanks." Sam thought that was a steal, but he wasn't going to argue especially since he had twenty bucks to his name and that would leave him enough for his dinner. Good deal as far as he was concerned.

He paid the man, headed back for his food and went back to the room. It really did sadden him that Dean wasn't there, but he pushed that aside and settled on the bed to eat and page through the book.

Thirty minutes in, Sam almost choked on his food. There it was. Right in front of him on the yellowed page for him to see. A binding ritual, but not just a ritual that bound the heart, but bound the soul as well. It could be performed one way, not mutually, like a handfasting. How could that be? You can't bind a soul. Claim one, but not bind it. Sam grabbed his phone and hit speed-dial for Bobby.

Bobby answered on the first ring, seemingly knowing it was Sam. "Hey, Sammy"

"Bobby, man, I think I got something, really something." Sam tried not to let his enthusiasm come through since he'd had this conversation so many times before and it didn't pan out.

"Lay it on me, Sammy," Bobby said, as he had said for the umpteenth time this past year. He let the closest person he had to a son vent, cry, and hope to him through a telephone line. He knew they were running out of time and he heard a new desperation in Sam's voice.

Sam carefully read the text and the ritual all the while Bobby remained quiet. Sam finished and held his breath, waiting for some response.

"Sam, what book is that from? Bobby asked.

"What?"

"The book, son, what is it?"

"It doesn't have a title, not one that is still legible anyway. I...I don't know."

"Describe it for me then."

"Bobby, what does it matter! Tell me if this damn thing will work, if it can do what it says!"

"Sam tell me what it looks like."

"Fine." Sam knew his frustration was coming through, he just couldn't help it right now. "I...it's ancient, the pages are like parchment and the binding feels like it was pieced together from, well, from a skin of some sort. It's full of Greek and Olde English writings and rituals. I don't know what else you want."

"Jesus Sam, that's the real deal. Straight from the classical Druids themselves. I've heard about it, but it was hidden during their persecution and thought lost. Where the hell did you get it?"

"Old bookstore in Northfield, Minnesota."

"Sam, you need to get here, with that book. I'll send someone to check out this bookstore, but you need to get here ASAP."

"Bobby, tell me, p-please. Can it work?"

"I need you and the book to be sure. Bring something of Dean's with you, preferably something you associate with him, in case. We need to have a talk before I say anything else."

"I'll be there in a few hours."

"Sam, I'm at least seven hours away from you."

"I said I'd be there Bobby and thanks."

He had to leave Dean, he always knew he would have to, but shit, Dean was gonna be hurt and pissed. Sam pushed that thought away and gathered his things. He could deal with a pissed off Dean as long as he was still around to be pissed. He thought for a moment about what to take of Dean's, then he pulled Dean's knife out from under the pillow. It was the one Sam had given him a few years back, engraved with protection sigils. Dean never slept without it. Then he pulled out a piece of paper to leave a note for him.

Sam wrote quickly knowing that no matter what he said, Dean would figure out where he was going, and his only hope was that Dean would be otherwise entertained for quite some time and may not even realize he was gone until morning.

That done, his next problem was transportation. He figured desperate times called for desperate measures and as he walked out the door he did a quick scan of the back parking lot and picked out what would be his wheels.

Two minutes later he was on the highway in a late model something or another. He drove straight through, and made it to Bobby's in five hours give or take. Bobby saw the cloud of dust and knew Sam had arrived and made his way to the steps to greet him.

Sam saw him and slid to a stop just short of the steps, jumped out and handed the book over.

"Hi to you too, kiddo"

"Yeah, sorry, hey, please...I'm sorry...it's just...." Sam faltered and stopped talking.

"I know, Sam, I know. Come in and let's get a look at this thing."

Sam tried to sit still and let Bobby be. He really did try, but it was impossible. Finally he got up, grabbed a beer, and walked out to the porch.

Bobby watched and waited a minute trying to figure out what he was going to do. This would work, he was sure of it. There had always been lore of the powers and magic of the Druids, but most of their history was oral tradition. They had some books, like this one, long thought destroyed. The problem was that it would bind Sam to Dean forever, his heart and soul. Sam needed to answer some questions before he could allow that to take place.

Bobby walked out to join Sam. He put an arm around his shoulder. "Hey kid," Bobby said quietly.

Sam read that as defeat and tried not to break down. He was running out of time. He couldn't lose his brother, he just couldn't.

"Sam, this will work, but I need you to understand some things." Bobby started slowly and watched as Sam's knees almost gave out at his words.

Sam interrupted, grabbing at Bobby's shirt. "It...you're sure I can do this without him, he can't participate. It has to be me binding my soul to his. It will alter his and make it impossible to claim, since it's no longer purely his. Please tell me...." Sam just stopped and held his breath, head on Bobby's chest.

"Sammy," Bobby's heart was breaking and he ran a hand through Sam's hair. "Yeah Sam this will work. The only claim is to his soul. Can only condemn him to Hell. Your soul being in the mix would break the contract." Bobby waited a second and got Sam to sit down before he continued; this was going to test the bond he had with Sam. "Sam, tell me about Dean."

"What about him?

"Sam do you love him? Really love him?"

"Of course I do, he's Dean, my brother, and of course I love him."

"No Sam, do you **love** him?"

Sam stopped breathing for a minute, oh shit, Bobby was going there. Going to make him do this, make him admit how un-brotherly his love for Dean was. Fuck it all, he really had no problem telling Bobby the complete truth if it meant saving Dean.

"Yes, I love him, more than anything in this world or the next. I have been **in love** with him for years. In love as in more than my own life, be with him in ways no brother should ever want to be with his brother, soul deep love, and with God as my witness...I will do this. If you decide you don't want to do this, that it's wrong what I feel and will give to save him, I will find someone or I will do it myself."

Bobby ignored the fact that Sam thought he wouldn't understand. They could deal with that later and he continued gently, "What if he doesn't return your feelings?"

Sam blinked at him a few times, not really going with the flow of the conversation for a moment. "Doesn't matter. I can live with him loving someone else, having a life with someone besides me, as long as he is alive to do it. I'll be okay and I would never force him to be with me."

"Watching him with another lover will kill you Sam. I've been around these rituals, they are powerful. Unrequited love is a hard thing."

"No Bobby, the thing that will kill me would be Dean dying. I can't survive that. I can't. I barely survived Jess and Dad. I only did because of Dean. If he dies because of me, I won't live long enough to burn him. You can do us both together." Sam got up and walked in the house, ready to leave if he needed to.

Bobby sat there a second and knew damn well Sam knew what he was doing. And, he also knew that he would find someone else to do this and if they screwed it up, then Sam would most likely die in the process. Getting up he walked in and saw Sam sitting on the couch, head down and his eyes closed. He sat next to him. "Jesus Sam, of course I'll do this. I just needed to be sure where you were on this."

Letting out a shaky breath, Sam said the only thing he could say. "I'm where Dean needs me to be. Please, how long will it take? We need to do this before he gets here. I know this is where he'll come first when he finds out I'm gone.

"I need a bit to gather some things. It won't take me long. And Sam, you're not gonna like this ritual."

Sam didn't even ask; he just nodded his head. Whatever was coming he would survive it and they would go on from here.

***********************************************************************

Dean was indeed out most of the night, returning sometime just before dawn hoping to crawl into bed for at least a few hours sleep before they hit the road again. He really wasn't even sure why they were still on the road. Might as well just stay here. He had already decided that he was going to be far away from Sam when the beasts came for him. No way was he going to let Sam endure that. He knew that Sam would die in the battle trying to save him. Nope, he would be leaving for parts unknown a few hours before his date.

Stumbling into the room, he was a little surprised that Sam wasn't there. Well, maybe he went to get some food. That would be a good brotherly thing to do. He slipped off his jacket and headed into the bathroom, giving a passing glance to the table. The table where Sam's laptop should have been, but wasn't. Stopping, he looked around, his anger quickly growing as he realized none of Sam's things were there and a note was on the bed.

"Damn you Sammy!" Dean yelled into the air. "What they hell have you done?!" As he raced to pack his things, he paused to call Sam's phone. Big fucking surprise, straight to voice mail on that one. He left a not so polite message and tried Bobby. Again, answering machine. He left the same general message but stopped short of calling Bobby a son-of-a-bitch and jogged out to the Impala.

He could make it in six hours. Please let him be fast enough to stop this. Dean had been struggling with Sam's determination all year. He knew that Sam was just as desperate to save him as he himself had been to save Sam. The choices Sam made, from outsmarting Ruby to killing the crossroads demon had been forced upon him. He had a few moments of doubt, but soon realized Sam was just being his usual stubborn, doggedly determined self. Doing what he thought would solve the problem. Dean thought back over all these things as he pushed the pedal to the floor and made a bee-line to his brother. Sam was stubborn, but he was not going to die for him too.

***********************************************************************

Bobby had everything ready in under an hour, and he and Sam moved the furniture out of the way so Bobby could draw the ancient sigils on the floor and place ash wood and stones in a rough depiction of Callanish around them. He told Sam to sit in the center and hold Dean's knife close to his body.

Sam did as he was told and tried to relax. It was probably good that he didn't know what was coming, because he was already strung about as tight as he could get.

"Okay Sam, focus on the knife and your feelings for Dean while I start. No matter what happens, do not get up or move off the sigil. This symbolism holds a lot of power and moving at the wrong time could...well, just don't."

Sam looked at him. "O-okay," he tried to steady himself.

Bobby started quietly, "Grant, O Spirit thy Protection, And in Protection, Strength; And in Strength, Understanding; And in Understanding, Knowledge; And in Knowledge, Justice: And in Justice, Love; And in Love, the Love of One Soul; And in the Love of One Soul, Grant thy Protection."

Bobby sprinkled gypsum and lavender dust around the base of a small white candle.

"The Spirit which animates the flesh you wear in this incarnation is that Spirit which all living beings share. We are all reflections of the Spirit. We are all of this Earth, not on this Earth." Bobby intoned, and then lit the candle. "Bind by the fire of this candle, and the fire of the mother earth and hold safe."

Sam felt it, something like heat in his chest. It hurt, but he stayed quiet and still.

"Sam, focus on the knife, and think only of Dean…it's almost done." Bobby sprinkled ash wood cinders over Sam and continued. "Dyro Dduw d Nawdd; Ag yn nawdd, nerth; Ag yn nerth, Neall; Ag yn Neall, Gwybod; Ac yngwybod, gwybod cyfiawn.

Sam was trying to breathe through the burning sensation he was feeling. He was shaking and desperately staring at Bobby.

"Try and breathe Sam, one more part and it's done." Bobby took his own knife and sliced across Sam's forearm just deep enough to bleed. He took Dean's knife and moved it into the small pool of blood gathering some on the blade, sprinkled more ash wood into it and placed it into the flame. The blood erupted in a blaze of color as Sam screamed in agony. "From the flame of this purity candle, bind the heart and soul of this man to that of his true love."

At the exact same moment Dean felt it too. A momentary searing pain in his chest. Damn near made him drive off the road. But it passed quickly and he knew. He knew Sam had done something. He pressed the accelerator to the floor in` anger and fear that he was too late.

Bobby quickly extinguished the candle, dropped the knife in holy water and moved to help Sam who was curling in a ball, whimpering.

"Okay Sam, it's over. I know it hurts...you'll be okay." Bobby cradled him and hoped to Hell he would be okay. He had no doubt that it had worked, Sam's pain proved that. He had suspected that Sam would suffer some effects of binding to a soul that had a demonic essence involved with it, but had not wanted to make this any harder on Sam so he kept that to himself.

"Did...it...." Sam's voice, barely a whisper as he rocked slightly.

"Yeah Sam, it worked. That's why you're hurting. That demon has a little mark on that soul you're bound to. Your body is fighting it, not supposed to be there and all. It'll pass, just hang in there."

Sam didn't care what he had to endure now. He would do it and more. Thankfully, Bobby had planned on this and before Sam knew it he felt him gently injecting something into his hand and then all Sam felt was tired and he let the darkness close in around him.

Bobby quickly got Sam all tucked in and then set about cleaning up. Not too long after, he heard the familiar rumble of the Impala tearing down the drive. Taking a deep breath he steadied himself and waited for the tempest that would come with Dean.

Dean barely had the car in park, before he jumped out and ran up the stairs and banged the door open.

"Where is **he**?"

"Resting," Bobby said calmly.

"Resting...great, he just killed himself and he is fucking resting!"

"He didn't kill himself, in fact he **saved** you, and yeah, now he is resting."

"Damn it Bobby, he can't save me. I fuck with this deal, he dies, Damn it! What part of that did you both not get!"

"Dean, sit down. I'm too old to be in a shouting match with you."

"NO! It's coming for him now. I can't stop it. Fuck, you should have told him no."

"Dean Winchester, that's enough. You need to shut up and listen to me. I never would have willingly let Sam do anything that would cost him his life. He called me a hundred times and each time I told him no. This time, he found it. He found a way. HE altered it, not YOU, so you did not break the deal."

"Semantics, Bobby, not worth the risk. They ain't playin'."

"No, they're not. But neither are we. She left a loophole and Sam found it and a way to use it. Think about it Dean, the fact that he's still alive, means they can't take him. If we had fucked this up, he would have died instantly"

The fight was leaving Dean, being replaced by...hell, he didn't know what it was. Fear, exhaustion, relief, love, every emotion he had was rolling around. He slumped forward, resting his head in his hands as he asked, "What did he do?"

"He...." Bobby sighed. "He bound his heart and soul to you."

"The hell Bobby, how could he do that. Bindings are a two way street. I didn't participate so not gonna work." Dean felt the despair of the inevitable returning.

"That would be what we always thought. Sam found a centuries old book, long thought lost and there it was. It seems though that the Druids had a ritual, only calling for the participation of one. What they used it for we can only guess. It only bound him to you. He would never force you to be bound to him, knowing you wouldn't want that. But, it altered your soul Dean, put Sam's in the mix so to speak, and they can't touch it now. They only have claim to your soul. Pure and simple."

Dean was running his hand over his face, trying to remain in control of his emotions. "Let me see him, please"

"I'm not hiding him from you son, just wanted you to calm a little. He is pretty out of it. Gave him a good dose of morphine for some pain, but he'll know you're there." Bobby motioned to the room just off the kitchen.

Dean walked to the small guest room, desperate to see Sammy, but yet terrified at the same time. Sam was in pain before he got here, he hated that. How could Sam make such a sacrifice for him? What if they were wrong? He gently nudged the door open and saw his baby brother curled on his side, softly snuffling in his sleep. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he ran his fingers along Sam's forehead, soothing his brow. Sam stirred and moaned slightly.

"Shhh Sammy, I'm here. You're safe," Dean whispered.

"Dee" Sam mumbled as he forced his eyes to open.

"Just sleep Sammy; I'll be here when you wake up. I just needed to see you, Bobby said you were hurt."

"s'kay," Sam managed to form.

"No, Sam its not, I never want you to be hurt." Dean doubted that Sam heard him, his eyes had gently closed again and he pressed a little closer to Dean. He sat there for awhile, just watching Sam. Watching the rise and fall of his chest, the way his breath would hitch every now and again when he registered pain somewhere, and just wishing this was over. That somehow, someway, they could just be Sam and Dean. Not demon fighters, not apocalyptic warriors, just Sam and Dean Winchester. Blinking back the tears in his eyes, Dean quickly checked the room and headed back out to Bobby.

"So, you think that the demon-spawn holding my contract is gonna just let this slide?"

"Hell no, I think whatever is coming here is gonna be one seriously pissed off demon when the prize is no longer there for the taking."

"Great, just great. How the do we get ready for that?"

"You have to be ready. Put that bitch face on and use it for all its worth." Bobby smirked at Dean as he said that.

"Bitch face, I do not have a bitch face." Dean feigned ignorance.

"Yeah right, you've been using it since you were three." Bobby smiled as he felt a little bit of the old Dean seeping through.

Dean settled in Sam's room to wait. Sam knew he was there, Dean was sure of it, but he just couldn't focus enough to more than mumble. Bobby gave him five mg of morphine which wasn't all that much, but more than enough for Sam to be out for awhile. He was just thankful that Sam was still okay. He never thought that things would ever be okay again.

He knew he had hurt Sam. All he had been trying to do is help Sam say goodbye, get him to be okay with being alone, and that had so not worked. Truth be told, half the time he was gone, he was just sitting alone in the Impala, thinking about all the things he wanted to say and do with Sam, but denying himself the privilege of actually carrying out those thoughts for fear of making it harder on his baby brother. He had even written a letter to him saying so many things he could never say. He had sealed it in an envelope and mailed it to Missouri, trusting she would know when the time would be right to give it to him. He always only wanted to protect Sam, even if it was from himself and the pain of losing him.

Breaking that thought was the sound he had been dreading, the sound signaling they were close.

Getting up, he checked the room again, not really sure why since it would take him in a heartbeat no matter what they had around to protect him if given the chance. Coming out, he found Bobby sitting with a shotgun facing the door.

"Grab the other and have a seat. Hounds are out there, it'll be along any minute," Bobby said as he motioned to the other chair.

"Why not just send the beasts?" Dean wondered out loud.

"Just being greedy is suppose. Not leaving Dean Winchester up to any hell hound."

"Well at least my fame gets me something."

As if on cue, the front door flew open and there it stood in a skin tight black dress and heels. Dean had to admit, better than hounds any day.

"Well isn't this sweet. You waiting for me, baby? Thought you might be out trying to hide." She walked around Dean, trailing a finger along his jaw. "You really don't think those silly little guns will stop me do you?" and with that both weapons flew against the wall.

"I don't hide from anything, bitch. Seriously, don't you demons ever pick a shell that isn't female. Who the hell are you anyway?" 

"Oh, such language. That is not going to help you any. We pick a package that is appealing to the audience." 

Dean had to laugh at that. The package may have been appealing, but the rest was so not. Guess the old adage of 'beauty being only skin deep' came from the demon world. 

Sensing Dean wasn't really paying attention, she brought in the one topic that always snapped Dean to attention. "I'm surprised; we seem to be missing a participant in our party. Thought our little Sammy would be here, still trying to save big brother, bargain your way out. He was always such a sweet boy. Did you piss him off enough that he gave up on you? Even so, I wonder just what this is going to do to him, maybe it will be enough. Enough to get him over to our side. Just cause our fearless leader went down in that cemetery, doesn't mean that there isn't a place for Sammy-boy."

"No need to worry about that, Dean ain't goin anywhere," Bobby offered.

"You are not needed," and with a thought, Bobby was thrown against the wall too. "Now Dean, let's do this while your friend watches. That will be even better." Moving around to face Dean, sitting in his lap. "I must say that you're handling this much better than I expected. Always the soldier I guess"

Sam picked that moment to make his appearance. He had felt her come in and even though he was fuzzy, he knew he needed to get to Dean.

"Get away from him." Sam growled

Smiling at what she thought would be the big moment, she made her move, wanting Sam to watch Dean die. Kissing Dean she attempted to take his life, but something was wrong. Dean was still breathing and kissing her back.

"This...this isn't possible, you are mine. You didn't break the deal or he would be dead." She kissed him again, still nothing.

"How did you do this?" as she moved toward Sam

"Just that good bitch!" Sam spit out.

"We'll see about that. Good won't begin to take care of what is coming, what you all will suffer!" And with an explosion of white fury, the power of which shook the house, she was gone. Bobby fell from the wall in a heap and Dean was tossed into the kitchen. Sam hit hard into the closet door and then there was silence. No demon, no hell hounds, just silence.

****************************************************************************************  
Dean struggled to his feet. Fuck, he hated getting thrown around. Why did they always have to do that anyway?  
Bobby was getting up at the same time and they both looked at each other and headed for Sam, who wasn't moving yet.

Kneeling down, Dean pulled Sam up and held him. "Sammy come on, come on, wake up for me"

Dean watched Sam for a few moments, he was breathing steady, just not waking up. Trying not to panic, he carried him back to the bed and laid him down. He sat with him for what felt like hours, just running his hand through Sam's hair. That always comforted Sam, and if Dean was being truthful with himself, it comforted him too. There was a mysterious part of him that called to Dean from the moment he was born. The part of him that would always be "his Sammy." He had always felt things for Sam that most people would say he shouldn't, but who the hell were they to judge anyone. The only judgment he cared about was right in this room, and apparently felt the same way about him.

When he heard a soft moan, he was startled out of his thoughts, only to realize he had been crying.

"De-ean?"

"Right here Sammy, right here."

"O-over?"

"Yeah Sammy, you, you did it. She's gone, knocked you around before she left though."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm perfect now that you're awake"

Sam weakly held his hand up and Dean took it in his. As Sam drifted in an out for awhile, gentle tears from something, pain, relief, love, or who knew what Sam was really feeling right now, fell down his cheeks. Dean whispered words to him until he just slept.

He sat there for most of the evening, just thinking about everything and watching the most important person in his life sleep, and loving every second of it. Most of his brain hadn't caught up with the reality that Sam had done it and they both survived. That he was going to have another day, and then another, to live. What was one more really pissed demon on their tails? **That** they could deal with.

He supposed he should go talk to Bobby, but his body had other ideas and Dean finally gave in to his own exhaustion. He settled on the bed next to Sam and was quickly asleep.

Bobby peeked in a little while later, smiling at the sight. Sam had curled into Dean's chest and Dean had a protective arm across Sam's waist. He had seen them sleep like that when they were just kids, always close and always protected.

*************************************************************  
Dean woke with the sun and quietly got up. Sam was still out cold. Smiling gently, he got up, brushed his teeth and headed downstairs. It was nice being here, someplace that was safe. Coming downstairs he spotted Bobby in the kitchen, a full pot of coffee all brewed.

"Hey Dean-o, you boys doin' okay?"

"I'm not bad, but Sam's still sleeping." Dean motioned upstairs while Bobby got him some coffee.

"So, you takin' off soon, or you gonna give this old man some more grief?" Bobby asked with a smile.

Dean knew they were always welcome and could never stay too long. "Grief is good for you, keeps you from getting bored. I think we'll be around for at least a few more days, Sam likes it here and...I do, too."

"Feelings mutual kid, you know that." Bobby tossed a doughnut Dean's way.

They talked for a few minutes with Dean just watching the sun come up. "Thanks for breakfast, I'm gonna grab a hot shower." Dean smirked as he grabbed another cup of coffee.

Bobby shook his head and started scanning his laptop for evil things to hunt.

Sam woke slowly and somewhat painfully. Okay, he remembered some of why he felt like this, but not much. He could get as far as the ritual, and then just bits. He knew Dean was okay though, so he could deal. Maneuvering around, he got his feet under him and stood, deciding the room only tilting a little was a good thing, and ventured into the hallway. The shower was running and he figured that was Dean.

Bobby heard him moving around and got another cup of coffee ready, and in a few moments Sam had made his way down and into the kitchen. Holding it out as Sam walked in got him that patented Sammy smile as he sat down.

"You look like shit."

"Love you too, Bobby," Sam said as eased into a chair and drank some coffee.

"Seriously, Sam, you should still be in bed, sleep it off some more."

"Nah, need to move around a bit. I'm okay. Dean in the shower?"

"Yeah, he was up with the sun. I think he was actually watching the sunrise, but don't let him know I noticed."

"Never, might ruin his rep." Sam smiled, thanking God this was over. Dean was really alive. "Looks nice out there, I think I'll go watch that sun myself."

"You sure you're okay, Sam?"

"Yep, Dean's alive, after that it's all good," and he headed outside.

Bobby nodded and set about piling the dishes in the sink. 

Sam sat on top of the old picnic table for awhile, just closing his eyes, listening to the sounds of nothing in particular going on. Right now, he felt that the weight of the world was gone and finally, **finally** , he could breathe. He didn't know if Dean was going to be angry with him and if he was, Sam would find a way to make it right.

Dean had finished and was surprised to see Sam out of bed; he quickly dressed and went to find him.

As soon as he hit the living room, he saw him through the window, unceremoniously perched on the table outside, looking like he was a million miles away. Even lost in his thoughts, Sam knew when Dean opened the door and stepped out.

Sam was prepared for a lecture; he was not prepared for Dean standing in front of him, tears tracking down his face, pulling him into a hug. Suddenly, Sam felt his entire world stop. Dean had his head buried against his shoulder and he could feel him sobbing. Sam instinctively held his brother, drawing him closer. It was rare Dean let him feel his fragility.

"Dean, its okay...I'm here"

Finally, Dean whispered, "I still can't believe it's over, this fucking year, all of it. I just can't believe there was a way out." Dean took a breath, trying to compose himself. "You found it, Sam. You did this. You never gave up."

"I was so scared, Dean. I couldn't lose you. Not you."

"I know, Sammy, I know. I was the same. That's why I made the deal. Not you either."

"You'd have done okay; I'm the clingy one, remember?" Sam allowed himself a small laugh. "I just...I just don't know how to function without you. I will though, really, as long as you're alive, you can go, have fun, live a life somewhere. That's all I want. You living and being happy."

Dean stood there thinking about that. He had convinced Sam that he didn't want to be with him. Great job there, he thought. Maybe he could show Sam how he felt better than trying to convince him with words. He climbed around so that Sam was sitting between his legs and he could rub Sam's shoulders.

"Um Dean...what oh...unngg." Sam moaned before he even realized he did it. Dean's hands felt wonderful working at the soreness in his shoulders. After a minute though he knew he had to stop it. It was feeling good in a much different way. He'd always been able to control his feelings for Dean. Years of denying them had made him very proficient at keeping himself in control. Now he wasn't so sure he could do that. Too many emotions right there, Dean being okay, the binding, everything was too much.

He tried to pull away, but Dean held him there. "Dean, I...I...you gotta stop"

"Ssshh, its okay Sammy."

Sam's breaths were quickening and he really needed to get himself under control.

At that moment, Dean shifted and pulled Sam closer to his chest and just held him. "Shh Sammy, it's okay, just let it happen."

"No Dean, I can't. God I can't...you, you don't want this. It's okay. You don't need to do this, ever. Not even for me"

Dean never let go of him, just kept a loving arm around him as he listened to his brother go on. "What if I want to do it for me, for us," he whispered. "Let me show you what I want Sammy."

"Please Dean, stop." Sam's voice had a small pleading sound that did make Dean stop. He needed to know what Sam was feeling and moved around so he could see Sam's face.

"What, Sam, tell me."

Sam was almost on the verge of tears. God, he wanted this, so much it ached. But, Dean had to know if he was with him even once he wouldn't be able to let go. He stared at the ground and spoke softly, "I can't have this and then...it...goes away"

Dean looked at his brother and then realized what Sam was saying. If they did this, it was forever. No one else. Dean smiled at that, but understood where Sam was at. Sam had always been his desire, but never did he think he could have him, so he played every field there was. If he couldn't have his true love, then he would have what he could get.

Gently he lifted Sam's chin so he could look at him, "Sammy, never would I take this from you. I've wanted you forever, never thought it could ever be more than a fantasy. It certainly doesn't fit even our definition of 'normal'. I always thought you'd bolt if you knew, hell, it freaks me out sometimes how much I want you, but Sam, I do want this, with you, only you. I'll never leave you Sam, you are...I would never have this with you and then be with someone else. Only you Sammy."

Sam broke down and just let go of everything he had tried so hard to keep inside. Dean held him and although he would deny it, shed a few more tears too. Finally, he heard Sam whisper, "I love you, Dean, have since I was old enough to know what love meant."

Dean did the only thing he could really think to do. He gently lifted Sam's chin and kissed him. Gentle and chaste, just a kiss, but it meant everything to both of them. Breaking the kiss, Sam just let Dean hold him.

"I love you too Sammy, let's just take this slow and get you feeling better. I know you still feel like shit."

"Look like it too from what I've been told." Sam sighed, then added, “Kisses make things better," desperately wanting to feel Dean's lips on his again.

"Hmm, I've heard that," Dean leaned in, twined his hands through Sam's hair, and kissed him. Slowly, he caressed Sam's lips with his tongue, enjoying the feel of the silken warmth kissing him back. Sam moaned softly at the sensations and brought his hands to rest gently on Dean's hips.

"God Sammy...." Dean whispered as he broke the kiss, slightly breathless himself. No kiss had ever made him feel like this one did. "So damn perfect."

"Take me to bed Dean, please...I need to feel you, just you with me...please."

Dean logically knew they should wait until Sam had recovered more, but damn if his body was listening to that logic. It was listening to Sam's sensual purr of words. It was eager to do exactly the same thing, feel Sam next to him, and watch him as he made love to him for the first time.

"Come on, let's go find that bed." 

They ducked in the door, thankful that Bobby wasn't still sitting right there and made their way upstairs.  
Getting in their room, Sam turned and had Dean pressed against the door in a heartbeat. Sam's size coming in handy even though Dean had no desire to move since Sam's hands were under his tee shirt caressing his belly and he was nipping along his chin making his way to that wonderfully sensitive spot at the base of his ear. "Jesus Sam nngggghh" as the words he wanted to say dissolved into a moan from the immense pleasure spreading out from the touch of lips to his skin. He was going to come now if he didn't get some control of himself. Never had he been aroused so completely so fast.

"S-Sam, baby, bed, now," as he began to walk them to the bed, never breaking contact with his brother. The back of Sam's legs hit the mattress and Dean gently laid him down, watching the passion between them grow as he prowled up Sam's body until he was hovering over him.

"Mine." Dean let out a small rumbling growl and moved his body closer, reaching a hand behind his neck to capture Sam in a long passionate kiss. His tongue sliding along Sam's lips asking permission. Sam's lips parted, desperate and wanting more. He moaned as Dean pushed his tongue past his lips, needing so badly to get closer to him again, to feel and taste Dean.

Parting only when breathing became a more urgent need than exploring each other, Sam gave a breathless reply..."Yours."

Sitting back, Dean tugged the hem of Sam's shirt up as Sam shifted to allow it to be removed; blushing slightly at the possessive glint in Dean's eyes at the site of him.

"Jesus Sammy, so damn gorgeous," as his hands trailed lightly across Sam's belly and chest, mindful of the bruises. Brushing a thumb across Sam's nipple caused Sam to moan loudly. "Like that baby?" as he did it again. Judging from the way Sam's eyes fluttered closed Dean was going with a 'yes' Sam liked that, a lot.

He gently nibbled along Sam's earlobe, feeling the shudder from Sam's body. "Another hot spot? I want to learn them all, Sammy. I want to know every inch of you, every spot that drives you wild." Dean's voice was low and rumbling in Sam's ear. The effect of his voice was amazing. Sam was harder than he had even been, just from that voice and his touches. Everything Dean did was turning him way past on.

"Please...." Sam begged, for what he wasn't sure, he just needed more.

"I've gotcha, Sammy, let me drive."

Each moan, every whimper or whine, each tentative touch of Sam's fingers to Dean's skin, sent Dean's body pulsing, coursing with desire. Their hands were sliding up and down, exploring, learning, and seeking completion from the other. Sam lifted his hips as Dean slid the clothes down his perfect body, and then quickly shed his own.

Their hearts were already racing, but when they actually were in sight of each other, completely taking the other in for all their naked beauty, their pulses went rapid and the urges they felt became insatiable.

Dean was so damn close; he gripped the base of his cock to let him stay in control for a bit longer. Lying back on top of Sam, he pressed his body completely against his brothers, rocking his hips slightly.

The friction from their cocks touching for the first time forced a feral sound from Dean that burned through Sam. His hips thrust up matching Dean's rhythm as they rubbed against each other.

Sam moaned, "So close...Dean...please"

"God Sammy, yeah okay. Come with me baby," as he reached a hand between their bodies to stroke them both.

Sam untwisted a hand from the sheets and moved it to join Dean's. The moan Dean emitted was pure, uninhibited pleasure when he felt Sam's fingers twined together with his, stroking hard and sweet through their combined precome, leaking cock heads so sensitive to the slightest touch rubbing together on the up stroke, long fingers brushing hot heavy balls on the down.

Dean could not contain himself, helplessly crying out for Sam with passionate desire as he bit down on Sam's collarbone and came. Sam let himself go, groaning at the ecstasy of being with Dean and coming with him over their hands, spurting hot fluid onto their bellies and they continued to work each other through the orgasms flooding their senses until nothing existed but them.

Gradually Dean became aware of where he was. That was lying on top of Sam, probably hurting him with the weight of his body. "Sammy, you okay?" he asked quietly as he shifted to his side.

"Hmmm...." was his only response, that and the warm body of his brother curling into him in a hazy sleep.

"That's it baby, just sleep awhile," as he let himself be comforted by Sam's warmth and firm presence next to him. He laid there for awhile just thinking and listening to the soft sounds Sam was making as he slept. It occurred to him that Sam no longer needed him to be his protector, although he would always be that. What Sam really needed was just Dean to be. To be there, to be his, to just be. He needed the same things from Sam and knew now that Sam would always be as well.

He also realized that Sam had opened his envelope. The one he had sealed his heart in waiting for Sam to open it.  
  
 

  
 


End file.
